Before Hindsight

In a chincy romance chick flick I gained a new understanding of something I took for granted: A mother-like figure brushing the hair of a young woman who had lost her mother as a child. The actress of this young woman captured the look of peace and fulfillment with each stroke.

This morning, as I retrieved a slippery two year old from the tub, dressed her, and began brushing her hair, I thought of that moment. My two year old began to squirm and so as to distract her I began singing, "I Am Like a Star Shining Brightly." After finishing and still brushing her hair, I asked her if she would like to sing the song with me. She emphatically nodded in a very two-year old like manner and then we began singing together. Just her and I with each stroke of the brush. She singing the words as best she could and I doing my best to stay along with her. A very "mothering" moment that perhaps I might not have noticed before.

And then I thought of Catie. Every time I get frustrated with the children. Every time I take something lightly or think a trial is too hard, I think of her. She is my Mothering Light through the hazy mist of Mundane and Just Getting Through the Day. She is who I think of when I sometimes want to be elsewhere. She is who I think of when I lack the vision of beauty in "refereeing."

She is who I thought of during this simple act of brushing a two year old's hair while singing a song.

I'd like to think that without Catie's example I might have recognized how Grandiose the moment was. How Fortunate I was to be Present as a Mother. But I'm just not sure. Sometimes gratitude comes with hindsight.

At the end of a long day of refereeing and the "give it to me's," it is this moment, and the realization that came with it, that I hope to think of.

Thank you, Catie, for helping me see the magnitude of brushing my little girl's hair - long before hindsight.